love – Page 5 – unliterate.net, sans-confusion since 2004

Overwhelming Compassion

February 1, 2021February 1, 2021 Matthew Heick Leave a comment

In my randomness of youtube videos that play in the background while I mindlessly work I found one that seemed harmless. Little did I know this would be another one of those difficult videos.

https://youtu.be/cwYKD8nCWjo

The first video is about Daniel Villegas who was incarcerated for 25 years, which started from a false confession at 16 years of age.

The second one turned me into tears. It was about the sentencing of Trey Alexander Relford who pled guilty to robbing and murdering Salahuddin Jitmoud, a 22 year old Pizza Delivery Driver. The father, Abdul-Munim, was able to make a statement before sentencing, and that statement is something that every person wants to say but has more trouble finding the justification:

“Trey Alexander Relford. I feel so, so sad for you that you have to be in this situation. I wish I could help you as I helped my son to be a good citizen. If Salahuddin were to be here, if he alive he would forgive you. That’s the way he was, that’s the way he is. I’m not angry at you for being part of hurting my son. I’m angry at the Devil. I blame the Devil (the Devil) who misguided you and misleading you to do such a horrible crime. No I don’t blame you. I’m not angry at you at all. I want you to know that. I forgive you on behalf of Salahuddin and his mother.”

Then Mr. Relford made a statement apologizing, admiring what a father could do and not comprehending the pain of losing his own 4 year old daughter. He thanks him for his forgiveness, and they proceed to openly shake hands, then embrace.

The third one is about James Roeder and his wife Ashley. Ashley was pregnant during the robbery, and the judge placed a no contact order. While they were separate Ashley gave birth, and the Judge allowed, contrary to the no-contact order, a temporary exception for James to meet his son. He was sentences to 4 years, and Ashley got probation.

The fourth and final is about a Justice of the Peace and the marriage of Dean Berkenhoff and Monica Morrison. There was an objection at the end, and it was because of the need to want Colton Berkenhoff present. Colton was their 11 year old son who passed away suddenly in 2012, and his organs were donated. The ceremony revealed the heart recipient, where mom and dad got to hear Colton’s heart again. Simply an overwhelmingly emotional event.

And there is where some of my tears went.

#allthefeels

y2k to 2003

October 30, 2020October 30, 2020 Matthew Heick Leave a comment

My early 20’s are a bit of a mystery, but an interesting story nonetheless. It is also one of the most difficult points of my life since many events happened with family and friends, and there is little documentation present to support it. Most of these paragraphs will be to-wit, and I will do my best to stitch together things.

Flyleaf – Fully Alive / Down the Rabbit Hole

September 25, 2020September 25, 2020 Matthew Heick Leave a comment

Oddly in my list of Youtube videos that are recommended to me on a daily basis happened to be an old song from a band called Flyleaf called “Fully Alive”. This was one of many songs from my youth that I had forgotten about and was overly ambitious to listen to the second I had seen it.

After enjoying the 2.5 minutes of high-pitched vocals and hard rock I had a brief epiphany: “Fly + Leaf = Flyleaf” How difficult would it be to attach an insect and a plant together and create a new band name? Whipping out the programmings I had found 3 solid references and let the computers do their workings and posted the results up on github, and further hosted it here for maximum clickability.

Alas, my curiosity of this song and the immediate conception of the “band name” program did not stop there. The lyrics needed a bit of attention to as they seemed unusually specific:

Before I kill you, old friend…

May 1, 2020May 1, 2020 Matthew Heick Leave a comment

On February 5, 2015, I had signed up with DigitalOcean and checked out my first “Droplet”. It was a 2vCPU host with 2GB RAM and 40GB of storage running Centos 6. You were well worth the cost of $20/month and did everything that I asked.

Today is your last day of life. I’ve moved on to a new host that has 2vCPUs and 2GB of RAM, but 60GB of storage and runs Centos 8. It’s also $5 cheaper.

Before I shut you down and terminate you I’d like to say that you did more than you were designed for. You were excellent in how you handled updates and installing software that you weren’t designed for. You almost had a 4-digit-day uptime but for some reason, I felt the need to reboot you.

[root@VPS ~]# last | grep ^reboot
reboot   system boot  2.6.32-431.1.2.0 Thu Dec 19 09:17 - 14:06 (134+03:49)
reboot   system boot  2.6.32-431.1.2.0 Sun Feb 17 16:50 - 09:17 (304+16:26)
reboot   system boot  2.6.32-431.1.2.0 Sun Dec 30 15:45 - 16:50 (49+01:04)
reboot   system boot  2.6.32-431.1.2.0 Sun Dec 30 15:43 - 15:45  (00:01)
reboot   system boot  2.6.32-431.1.2.0 Mon Dec 10 21:38 - 15:43 (19+18:05)
reboot   system boot  2.6.32-431.1.2.0 Fri Feb 16 11:15 - 21:37 (297+10:22)
reboot   system boot  2.6.32-431.1.2.0 Sat Dec  2 19:59 - 21:37 (373+01:38)
reboot   system boot  2.6.32-431.1.2.0 Sat May 27 10:11 - 19:59 (189+10:48)
reboot   system boot  2.6.32-431.1.2.0 Thu Aug  4 05:06 - 10:11 (296+05:04)
reboot   system boot  2.6.32-431.1.2.0 Thu Feb  5 18:41 - 10:11 (841+14:29)
[root@VPS ~]# shutdown -h now

Broadcast message from mjheick@VPS
        (/dev/pts/0) at 14:07 ...

The system is going down for halt NOW!
[root@VPS ~]#

I’ve shut down other hosts before without giving it a second thought. This, however, is one of the hardest and scariest things I’ve had to do in a long while.

Farewell, my friend at 104.236.197.67. May the bits be ever in your cache.

Remembering Anna

September 25, 2018September 25, 2018 Matthew Heick Leave a comment

A lot of things happened on the day that I died. Many things changed The whole world bustled with energy as it always does. The appointments that were so important were left unattended on the day of my death. All of the plans that I made will never come to fruition. The calendar that has rules my days and nights for years will no longer be relevant at all. All of my material possessions that I pined for and guarded will be up for the taking to those who want them, or will carelessly be thrown aside. My critics can no longer hurt me, and their harsh words will never cause me undue pain again. The arguments I won that gave me such a sense of satisfaction no longer bring solace or comfort. I no longer rush to answer all of the urgent notification beeps of texts and calls and emails. Their gravity is forever ebbed. All of the regrets I wasted so many sleepless nights on are forever where they should have always been – firmly placed in the past. The worries about the size of my waist, my thinning hair and the deepening wrinkles on my face are gone. The image of myself I so desperately wanted others to have is a mirage; they now have to complete it themselves anyhow. My reputation, flawless and so worked for, is of little concern. All those things both big and small that caused me such anxiety and so many sleepless nights are now obscured. The mystifying questions about life and death and what it all means were at one clarified. All of this and more came true, on the day I departed this earth. For all of this that has come to pass, there is still more things that will occur. There will be those people who truly knew and love me who will now grieve with the pain of my passing. They now suffer a new void. They have been beaten by fate. They will feel unwilling to accept that my time has come. A part of them was stolen from them on the day I died. And what they will wish for more than anything on that day, is to be able to spend just one more day with me in it. I know this, for I myself have grieved over the loss of those I have loved. And because I have mourned, I will try to remember that time is previous. It is finite. It is fleeting. It must not be wasted. For this reason, I ask that you not place materials before moments. I ceased worrying about those things which are beyond my control. All of those things that seem to matter so much, don’t. Do not let them compete for you attention or go against those things that truly do matter, those moments and people that allow you to actually live while you are alive. Do not be robbed of the joy you deserve. Spend your energy on those who make you feel alive, who want to spend their precious time with you. Dance with them before it is too late. Do not waste the daylight any longer in the previous days before the one in which your life ends. Don’t keep giving your life to all that seem to matter, because when you die and are gone from this earth, that stuff won’t matter at all. Yes, I have left this world behind and one day, so shall you. But before you do, live each day like it is the first, last and best day you’ll ever have.

Source: 20180922-Remembering-Anna.pdf